The Anxieties of Having a Second Child

I’ve always wanted to have more than one kid. After Noah turned one it was extremely rough for me. I loved the toddler that he was turning into, but I also missed the little baby he used to be. He needed me a little bit less. He was way too big for any of the clothes that fit him just a few months prior. He started walking, getting teeth, eating solid foods, and exploring the world on his own.When Noah was 13 months old I found out I was pregnant again. I was terrified. Mostly of my mom and stepdads response because I knew they weren’t fans of the kids dad. To add some chaos to my life a couple weeks later I ended up leaving their dad, packing everything I could fit in my tiny Ford Focus and made the move from New York where I had spent my entire life, to Virginia where my parents are. My pregnancy was rough, and not just because of the endless morning sickness and SPD. I was worried. Worried that I wouldn’t love her like I love Noah. Worried that she wouldn’t fit into our family. What if she didn’t sleep good either? What if it was too overwhelming with two kids? What would I do? I didn’t feel a connection with evren my whole pregnancy. As sad as it is to say. I ignored her presence as much as you can being pregnant. I wasn’t excited. I dreaded her being born. Friends and family who had multiple children assured me I would be fine. But I wasn’t sure. I was convinced that I would be one of the only moms who didn’t love her second born.
Eventually though I went into labor. It wasn’t very long, roughly 6 hours from beginning to end. I was super out of it when she was born, but when the nurse placed her on my chest I instantly fell in love. They soon after had to whisk her away because she had stopped breathing. Time stopped. I held my breath. I started to feel terrible about all the feelings I had during pregnancy. Maybe this was my fault. What if she dies? By the grace of God and the nurses who worked diligently she started breathing again and she was handed back to me.

I looked at her sweet face, and everything everyone else said to me during my pregnancy came true. She wasn’t a burden on my relationship that I had with my son. She helped it grow. I appreciated every moment with them both a little more. She made my family feel complete. She filled a hole in my heart that I never knew I had. I was right about one thing though. I did not love her like I loved my son. I loved her in a different way, but not in a bad way. I loved her for being her. She has a completely different personality than my son does. Noah was up multiple times a night and still is. Evren sleeps through the night. Noah is clingy, sweet, and cautious. Evren is adventurous, loud, and fiercely independent. Two different people, but both loved immensely.
So don’t worry, mama. It’ll be okay. Your first born may be jealous. You may feel guilty for not spending as much time with them. But it will be okay. You will get through this. You will adapt just how you did when you were scared to have your first. That didn’t turn out as bad as you thought or you wouldn’t be having your second! Take some deep breaths. Enjoy the second pregnancy. Spend as much time alone with your first born as you want. When your second born is here make sure you include your oldest in caring for their sibling. It helps them grow a bond and it makes your oldest feel helpful.Get a group of mom friends if you haven’t already. Lean on them. Ask for help when you need it. You don’t need to do this alone. Even single moms, ask for help from family. If you don’t have family ask from friends. It’s okay to do that. Accept help when it’s offered. Mostly importantly, enjoy those two beautiful children!

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